Nutrition Intuition: What I Learned from Trusting My Gut
Content Warning: restrictive and disordered eating
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A year ago if someone had told me I could be regularly eating ice cream for dessert and be perfectly healthy, I would have thought they were wrong, that their notion of health was far too happy-go-lucky to be realistic. Turns out, it was me who didn’t understand what health was, because instead of enjoying the foods I liked, the foods my body craved, I was Googling “healthiest foods” and “best foods for weight loss” before every meal and letting the internet dictate what I should be eating.
Over the years, I have defined ‘healthy’ in all different ways. In high school, healthy meant making good times in my track races. My freshman year of college, healthy meant pretending like dessert didn’t exist in the dining halls. And last summer healthy meant a diet so restrictive it put me in the 30 million people who have an eating disorder during their lifetime.
In high school, I began training more intensely in athletics and made the decision that if I wanted to compete as a high performance athlete, I had to eat like one. To me, that meant “junk food” had to be eliminated. I became proud of myself for refusing my favorite dessert on my birthday, and I felt like I had failed as a serious athlete every time I caved and ate “junk.”
Once I got to college, I kept to my “no junk food” standard, but even though I was “eating clean” I didn’t have a healthy diet. With a little help from my unlimited meal plan, I lost touch with my appetite and found myself overeating. Before I knew it, the dreaded “freshman 15” that I thought I’d sworn off with my junk-free diet had become my reality.
The following summer I developed my most restrictive eating habits yet. Horrified by the amount of weight I had gained my freshman year of college, I convinced myself that greater restriction was the golden ticket to the body and weight that I wanted.
The foods I was considering “healthy” were few and far between. The portions on my plate dwindled. The workouts I once enjoyed became my prison, sentencing me to exercise before I let myself eat. The occasional slip up in my diet caused me to purge, bringing up the culpable calories, leaving my stomach with nothing but a feeling of guilt.
Although my body signaled to me that it was in distress with hunger, fatigue, and cravings for foods outside my diet, part of my restriction was suppressing the instincts that were warning me against myself.
It wasn’t until after I began changing my relationship with food, trusting that eating was the ally to my health, not the adversary, that I realized my restrictive habits were what was restricting my wellbeing. I started listening to my body, eating when it told me I was hungry, eating foods I enjoy (junk included), eating meals that held me over, and eating to fuel my body, not reward it for working out.
Feeding my body with not only the foods it asked for, but enough of them, I started to see changes for the better. My metabolism stabilized, no longer needing to slow in compensation for undernourishment. My weight followed suit, staying consistent even with variety in the food I ate and the amount.
With proper nourishment and a stable physique, I saw improvements to my health in ways I hadn’t even expected I would. My energy levels rose and my irritability faded as I emerged from a three month state of “hangry.” I found myself able to concentrate better; I was more productive, I could stay focused, and I was planning more than just my next meal.
I realized in hindsight that not only were my old eating habits disordered, but many of my thoughts surrounding my diet were misinformed. The below statements are beliefs that I had about diet and nutritional health, each followed by an explanation that not only disproves the statement, but reveals that many of them are more harmful than healthy.
If I eat less I will lose more weight: Actually, your body responds to undernourishment by slowing your metabolism, which can make it harder to burn calories, harder to lose weight. That’s because when you eat too little, your body holds onto what food you are eating like it’s the last supper.
If I eat unhealthy food I will lose my progress: Not necessarily. With a stable metabolism, your body can process fluctuations in your diet without causing large changes in weight or appearance. Translation: a 0.06lb donut won’t cause a 5lb weight gain.
If I don’t workout then I don’t burn any calories: Your body burns calories around the clock just from the energy it takes to keep you alive, things like pumping your heart, drinking water, breathing. Those calories need to be replenished just like the ones you burn from exercise.
If I eat more than someone else I am eating less healthy than they are: No two bodies are the same so no two diets can be either. Part of doing what’s best for your body is not comparing your dietary choices to others.
Changing my eating habits was and still is a gradual process, and I am learning along the way what kinds of things help me have a healthy relationship with food. Here are a few of the things that supported and encouraged me throughout my journey.
Eating with other people: Eating with others helps me to feel supported and normal when I am eating and reminds me that there are people who want me to have a healthy relationship with food and with my body.
Cooking for yourself and others: When I prepare food for more than just myself, I put thought into what I am making because it’s not just me who is eating it. This encourages me to make a meal that’s hardy and tastes good.
Structured meals: Having structured meals (a breakfast, a lunch, a dinner) helps me feel in control of my diet. I don’t have to obsess over earning food when I can count on it to already be a part of my day.
Thinking about food like fuel: It’s important to me that I remember that food is what fuels me to do the things that I love, that without it some of my best days and favorite memories wouldn’t exist.
Disordered eating is complex and by no means easy to overcome. What I’ve included above are steps I’ve taken that help me feel support and encouragement, but I still struggle in my relationship with food. If you are struggling with disordered eating, some of my strategies can be beneficial, but there are also professionals who can help you. Specialists like counselors, dietitians, and helpline workers are trained to provide you guidance, support, and insight about your body. Eating disorders are immensely challenging, but they feel less overwhelming when you’re not alone.
If someone had told me last summer that I could be eating ice cream for dessert and be perfectly healthy, I would have thought they were wrong, that their notion of health was far too happy-go-lucky to be realistic. Turns out, it was me who didn’t understand what health was.
With time, however, I continue to learn about and learn from my body. I’m finding that when I eat the big cheesy pasta dish I’ve been craving, I enjoy the meal. When I workout to get stronger, not skinnier, I enjoy the exercise. And when I trust that my intuition will help me make the best decisions for my body, I enjoy the relationship I have with food.
